In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
