I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
