Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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