I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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