well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
