she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
