you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
