"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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