she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
