bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
