Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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