Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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