this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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