....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
