On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
