FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
