Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
