Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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