wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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