I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
