your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
