I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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