happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
