she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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