Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
