I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
