this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
