She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
