Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
