Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
