id be glad to
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
