So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
