so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
