It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
