if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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