he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
