He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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