I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
