He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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