Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
