so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
