i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
