you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
