piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
