i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
