Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
