We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
