The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
