and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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