I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
